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at least i know nobody’s using me for my looks

(Source: potterm-alfoy, via fake-mermaid)

Things I Say While Driving Me: What the fuck are you doing. What. The fuck. Are you doing.
Me: NICE BLINKER ASSHOLE.
Me: Why the FUCK are we not even going to speed limit. Why.
Me: I AM GOING TEN MILES PER HOUR OVER THE SPEED LIMIT WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT
Me: Shit is that a cop? No.
Me: Shit THAT is a cop.
Me: /dinosaur screams/

cosmo tip #403

expertcosmotips:

dump him by taking a dump on him

cosmo tip #403

expertcosmotips:

dump him by taking a dump on him